The Societal Dilemma

Let me start my first post in ages with a little essential background. I am a 20 year old University student. I have recently returned from working in a summer camp in the USA. It was excellent fun, a great challenge and a privilege to work with such wonderful kids.

Ahh. Children. Love ’em or hate ’em, they are going to be the ones paying your pension in the future. Indeed, some of those children will be tomorrow’s new weasel-faced politicians. Others will be your lobbyists, pressure group members, animal rights extremists and maybe even a few criminals in there too.

In other words, they are the society of the future. But what kind of society will that be?

In theory, they will have imbibed the values of the existing society, so they should continue to maintain the status quo, but there is no denying that each passing generation brings with it something new – something they have learned through childhood in response to a changing political climate or advances in technology, for example.

When you look at it that way, could there be any other response to the “Love ’em / Hate ’em?” question, but to pronounce your love for all children, because, after all, they are going to be the architects of the society that your children and grandchildren will grow up in, and – who knows – you may even live long enough to see “their” societal values being played out in your own lifetime.

In any case, even if you don’t, I have. I’m at that age of life where childhood has gone – but the memories are fresh – and adulthood has just about begun… but still trying to figure out my place in that. In other words, my generation: Generation Y as those crazy sociologists call it, is beginning to come to pass. And they’re going to keep coming for many more years to come. And so, as far as I’m concerned, right now is as good a time as any to realise that what we’re seeing in society – which I have discussed in the past as a gradual disengagement from it – is a product of our own neglect. We are forever drifting apart, and the growing isolationism of our lives is the root cause.

Yesterday I was out shopping, and outside the supermarket waiting for his parents was a kid, making weird noises and entertaining himself in the way kids do. Now, after the summer, I’m so used to just reacting to this by being equally stupid, looking for some way to join in the game as the way to just generally chat to a child. He seemed like a happy kid and prepared to engage.

I did make the noise, but didn’t get a response. It was because I wasn’t loud enough. And that only happened because half way through something dragged me back.

“Societal norms” clicked in my head. I said to myself, “You don’t do that here! What if people think you’re a paedophile or something?” I had no response, and immediately pulled back. And for all I know the kid would have replied, and the parent wouldn’t have been bothered. But still I held back, because it’s not worth the risk. Better to be safe than sorry.

And that was that. It got me thinking… we’re all in the “Better safe than sorry” mindset. There is some logic behind it, but it’s gone too far. There is no doubt in my mind that everyone is on the steady path of disengaging with society because we have the fear of the unknown in us. Society is not prepared to accept that a 20 year old man’s motives for talking to a random child on the street might actually be motivated out of good than malice. It’s being led by a cynical government that’s driving communities further apart with fear-based politics – witness the hoohah being caused over “chavs” and anti-social behaviour – and a failure of policy on the international scene that is driving a wedge between “us” and “them”.

You only need to look at the crazy story that developed within the past few days about how a hospital has banned people from cooing at babies. This is symptomatic of the perceived problem we have. Parents may or may not want people cooing at their baby – that is immaterial. However, what we do have is a cultural notion building up that since we are disengaging in other parts of our lives, we should continue spreading this theory. The baby has a right to be undisturbed.

Yet, by doing so, we are continuing to contribute to our decline. Babies quickly understand that smiles are infectious, and they are the sign that something is right. Especially seeing a wide variety of smiles from many different people. The baby quickly learns to be sociable, and to not fear those random faces of strangers quite so much. The beginnings of an optimistic outlook on life could be formed from here. There is so much that happens in a child’s first year of life that will forever impact on its future that we are only now beginning to understand the importance of it.

But take away all of that, and we fan the flames of possession. Only “we” are allowed to coo at “our” baby. Underlying message: beware of others.

I’m not trying to say that this one policy change will cause a radical decline in behaviour. My point is simply to illustrate that this is one out of many cases that has caused us all to take a step back, and then to look down upon society through a snooty nose. How many of us can honestly claim to know our neighbours these days? When sitting on a public bench, or on a bus or train, do you occupy as much space as possible “in case some nutter sits next to me”? How many people smile, say hello and thank you to shop assistants? How many of us these days strike up conversations in as many situations as you can think of, even if it is just about the weather? Do you carry an iPod or MP3 player around everywhere with you so you can avoid being dragged into such an awkward conversation by shutting out the world? Are you concerned about the people who run your local youth clubs, because “it isn’t natural for people to have such a high interest in children”?

We have become endlessly preoccupied with the tiny risk that, in our day-to-day lives, if we communicate with people too much we are going to stumble upon the nutter or the psychopath who is going to ruin everything, from as small as being looked at as if you were something on their shoe, to as large as getting assaulted or worse.

In my view, the risk is worth it. This is not something a government can legislate on. It can’t bring us back together. Only we can do that by taking that very decision to do something about it.

Think about it, and be honest with yourself. Knowing what you know about me – that is, nothing – if I had made a random noise to your 10-year-old child and then tried to start talking to him… what would your reaction be?

You may find the answer somewhat illuminating.