I remember writing this

Several years ago, an artist who didn’t appear at Live Aid pondered on the ways in which we expected the world to come to an end, and proposed another:

When you compute the time between an event and the nostalgia for the event, the span seems to be about a year less in each cycle. Eventually…the nostalgia cycles will be so close together that people will not be able to take a step without being nostalgic for the one they just took. At that point, everything stops. Death by Nostalgia.

If he’s right, then I suspect Saturday’s Live8 concert, or at least the coverage of it, may be the beginning of the end of the world.

In the bad old days of TV, a programme used to be classified as a repeat if it just consisted of the replaying of old footage. So, while wanting to keep playing these old clips for the ratings they got without being thought of as continually broadcasting repeats, TV executives realised they had to make an original programme out of them somehow. But, rather than going to the expense of hiring people who knew what they were talking about and making something that could pass for a documentary out of them, they just got a bunch of the cheapest people available who could still be classed as celebrities and asked for their comments instead. Thus, to the relief of struggling stand-up comedians and employees of Heat magazine, the nostalgia show was created, allowing you to not just experience the past, but also be told what to think about it at the same time, sparing you vital seconds of thinking time.

What does this have to do with Live8? Well, consider the way the BBC’s broadcast of the event was presented. Regularly, rather than wasting our time with anything important, like explaining the issues behind the concerts or what the demands of the people there were we were instead treated to several interviews with celebrities who were present at the gig. Interestingly, most of these people, despite seemingly having nothing to do with the running or organisation of the event, seemed to be happily wandering round the VIP area though I was no doubt mistaken and they were all either deeply involved with Live8, or had just won their tickets in the text competition like everyone else had a chance to.

So, we were treated to an endless parade of familiar faces – many of whom now seem to make a comfortable living entirely from nostalgia shows – telling us just what they thought of the day, what we should be regarding as memorable things within it and, continually and repeatedly, that this was a ‘legendary’ and ‘historic’ day. The nostalgia cycle is complete – people are describing events that they are currently participating in as being part of history and legend. Soon, all other knowledge of the past will be discarded as irrelevant for once you can experience nostalgia for the thing you’re doing at the time, what’s the point of reaching deeper into your memory for anything else? At least, that’s the best explanation I can give for this quote by Coldplay’s Chris Martin:

“The greatest thing that’s ever been organised in the history of the world, probably”

(Note: This may provide us with a legitimate reason to buy Coldplay albums. If enough are sold, Chris Martin might earn enough to buy himself a clue.)

Prepare yourself for I Remember The Barbarians At The Gates on the BBC, competing with Celebrity End Of The World Memories on ITV and Top Ten Apocalypses on Channel 4. And don’t worry if you miss the slow creaking to a halt of the world and everyone in it – it’ll all be repeated on ITV2 with Paul Ross at midnight.